Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Hey, so this isn't the best angle, but I think we watched a few videos on Kanye west last night. Just like a few ten minute whatever, someone commenting about it, just because my boyfriend wanted to watch it, and it got me thinking a little bit about the stuff I've been reading, the stuff I've been, like, thinking about and consuming and or conceptualizing.
So I'm just going to, hey there, tiki tikis. I'm just going to do my best to say what I'm thinking about the situation. Bertha thinks I'm feeding her because I'm talking. Sorry, Bertha. I don't have anything. She just wiped her beak on me. You're so gross. Why'd you wipe your beak on me?
But, yeah, I'm not going to talk about the content of his ideas at all, just because they kind of go to a lot of questionable places, I guess. And I don't know, this is just what I'm thinking about, what I observe and see of the stuff I have watched from him. I watched a little bit of the Lex Freedman podcast he did just because I watched Lex Freeman, and I was like, oh, he had Kanye west on, and he calls himself yay. Okay. And then I think that's where everything spiraled, maybe, I'm not really sure, but he definitely got a lot of fire, what he said in that podcast. And he's just doing a lot more, apparently. And I just watch podcasts in general, so I wasn't really looking out for Kanye. He just happens to be in the podcasting Zeiss right now and just the little bubble that I kind of pay attention to. And I don't really like saying that I am in a bubble, but I guess I am. And I guess everyone is, because you can't really know everyone.
Yeah, you can't know everyone.
So I'm going to get started. So all this is reminding me of my personal family, because I have a few family members that are encapsulated in what they call mental illness, but I don't really consider it mental illness. I think of it as another rhetoric for speaking and a rhetoric for thinking. And just we all have different minds and we're all useful in different ways. And Kanye west is obviously a creative person. He's a rapper. I never listened to any of his songs, but apparently he's a rapper.
I mean, he's obviously a rapper, but I'm just not in his bubble, I guess. And where am I going?
Basically, he's a creative person, and creative thinking comes from a lot of this kind of person that speaks riddles, archetype, just like, kind of like a yoda character, but not really in any movie or story. They go into some hut or some cave and they find this hermit speaking or this very spiritual witchlike person. And that's a common archetype in movies and stories. And I think that's what creative people are filling in nowadays, or not nowadays, but just every day on all ages. Creative people really are kind of channeling that divine energy of creativity.
And some people call it madness, and some people call it rapture, and some people call it a prophet. And creativity is just a generally crazy idea in general.
And I've really been trying to tap into that zeist, is that a word? Just that core. And tap into what it means to be a creative person, because I am currently becoming a creative person also. I watched Constantine and he said this great line where he's like, you denied yourself his thing and your sister stayed there. So she became insane and also almost not accusatory. But he was like, you both had the same gift, but you denied your gift and she kept hers.
And that's why she's dead. That's what he said. I'm trying to figure out what he meant by that. And if staying in your religious and you're tapped in energy of channeling the divine puts you into a mad state. And this is where I'm getting to this book, Lilith, that I've been reading for a few months. And I'm trying to.
I have a whole book series on this, on my podcast, by the way, that I'm still currently making. So stay tuned. But let me read this.
I remember Dr. Levere remind me once in a conversation about Lilith, which I shall record presently, that the word rapture in the English of Shakespeare's day meant madness.
And adding in the gently evocative manner which I came so greatly to admire.
I think all of us here are concerned with rapture in some way. I told you once that I like to consider psychoanalysis as an art rather than a science. And when a man devotes himself to studying the nature of rapture, he may find himself dispossessed, as it were. Categories dissolve values and varieties reverse themselves. Things he reaches out to touch for comfort or guidance startle and sometimes sicken him with their unfamiliarity. It is a thing we are all aware of in this profession.
What does it mean to be mentally ill? Because they said in Shakespeare, day and age, rapture meant madness. But now we call rapture like being touched by the divine. And I think 50 years ago, 200 years ago, the word was called madness.
Like the Alice in Wonderland mad, just encapsulated by madness.
And now we call it mentally ill.
And I was watching this one thing. It's just a little short that we're real on instagram because our attention span is so low nowadays that I am watching a lot of hours of long content. But there's so much out there that you kind of only have. Sometimes for some things, you only have like a minute or so to be able to tap into that specific thing, if that makes sense.
But Jordan Peterson was quoting Nietzsche. Is that how you pronounce it? I only consume things, and I ever pronounce it. I say that all the time on this channel. But Nietzsche said God is dead and we killed them. And what it meant to say that God is dead, what does it mean to have God dead in a world, and what does it mean to have God missing? Because I went into atheist thinking and I kind of went into that nihilist, nothing ever matters. And just atheism. Atheism is a very slippery slope to go down because, yeah, you don't want to believe in la la land.
That's basically what atheism means to me. I refuse to be in la la land. But also, there's this thing that people say that atheists are one of the most anxiety field people that you ever encounter. And that is true. I did have a lot of not just anxiety, but just negative feelings in general. There's no hope in atheism and nihilism. It's just going into the abyss and almost waiting to die and suffering and suffering and suffering with no hope. And I think faith in anything, it doesn't have to be Christianity, it doesn't have to be Buddhism. It doesn't have to be any religion. Just faith in anything gives you hope. And that hope is what takes us out of the darkness of the abyss in our hearts.
So I guess I should go back to Kanye west because I started there.
But basically I only watched a little bit of the Lex Freedom podcast just because that's how I watch podcasts. Sometimes I start them and never finish. And that's how that happened to the Kanye West. I felt like continuing it, but it just didn't happen. And I'm watching movies now and I'm interested in other things, and that's just the problem with my attention span.
But the parts that I did watch weren't that terrible, and I only watched like 30 minutes of it. And he did start getting into the Holocaust and Hitler idea but I didn't really watch it. Maybe that's why I fell off in the first place and got disinterested, because it's like I'm not really gaining from this anymore.
But what I did see, it kind of sucks that he's going through all this negativity because I don't want to even say this anymore because I'm not advocating for his ideas at all and I don't generally agree with them to their maximum ability that he seems to be encapsulated in. And sometimes you needed to go in the darkness to explore an idea and he's pretty in the dark, I guess.
But let me digress.
Hey, guys, how are you doing?
My chickens are just walking around doing their thing. I was going to do this inside because it's a little better of an angle and a little better of, I don't know, I could see myself filming, but I wanted to go outside and feel the fresh air and breathe the fresh air and be in the cold and be in the elements and be in the nature because that's what grounds me. And staying inside does not feel like you're being grounded at all in any sense. You're just staying in your own filthy, filthy air, the same air too, and you're regurgitating the same thing. But I get to hear ducks quacking and my chickens are wondering what I'm doing. How you doing, Betsy? How you doing? I'll feed you later.
So I guess Kanye west, there's a part of me that doesn't want to talk about it just because I know everything just gets misunderstood, no matter how eloquently you put it, because there's no way you could describe every single part of your soul in words. And that's the problem with trying to speak out something as divine as thought and emotion. It always fails to deliver, but you have to try or else you're going to keep it inside of you and you're never going to express yourself. And why live a life without expressing yourself? That's the question.
But Kanye west.
So when I was watching that podcast, I was feeling really nice about my life in general and how I'm heading in a direction because I watched the Kanye west podcast with like a few years ago and that's when I started trying to adopt an artistic career. And I didn't really understand a lot of the things Kanye west was saying just because he laterally thinks a lot. And when you're a creative person, you do laterally think a lot. And like I said, I'm trying to become a creative person. I'm not trying to like, I hate when I say that I'm becoming a creative person because I just feel like kind of engulfed in my own narcissism.
But let me just stay there for a second. I guess when I was watching the Kanye west podcast two or three years ago, I think I watched the whole one and I barely understood anything. And at that time, not only am I learning how to be a creative person, I'm also learning how to have conversations. And I think Kanye west is as well. He seems like he has improved a lot since his Jogan podcast two or three years ago when he went on to Lex Friedman's podcast. And again, I didn't watch the whole thing just because I don't like forcing myself to watch something just to comment on it. I'm just going to take the little bit of knowledge I know and just go with, I know. I know that he is saying some, I guess, inflammatory shit, but I am trying to control my reactions of completely shutting someone down just because they say something I don't like. And this is the most extreme sense of the case where he's saying something that we all have deemed like, oh, you probably shouldn't say that at all. And it's always like taboo and like, no. And that's just been instilled in us for the past 60 to 75 years. I'm not really sure when World War II happened. I do know it's like 1440, whatever, 1441 to 1444? Is that it? More like not 14? Oh, my God, 19. 1939 to 1944, I believe, and you could argue that it started right after World War I because Hitler was starting to gain reign for about ten years and he was slowly growing and growing and growing. And I guess I know a little bit more about World War II than I thought I did.
But basically this, like, I don't want to say dogma, but on the same lines of dogma, that this way of thinking about World War II is like, hitler is evil, and that's period. And Kanye west is trying to go against that idea just because I guess he also doesn't like dogma as well, but he's doing it in the most extreme sense on something that you could ever talk about. And he's really, really trying to push this boundary of, like, I'm going to say the most outrageous shit because everyone seems to be like, I feel like I'm walking on eggshells in today's world and I'm trying to put my shoes in Kanye's steps, put my feet in Kanye's shoes and see how he's seeing the world. But right now, I feel like I always say today's day and age, but I'm going to keep on saying it right now, in today's geist of how thought is, I feel like there's a big shutting down and closing off ideas and not looking at other people's ideas and just trying to find people in your bubble and in your.
I was talking about bubble earlier in this episode, but just trying to close yourself. Not trying to, but just automatically closing yourself off to ideas and not going through the uncomfortableness of figuring out if an idea is like something that you generally believe and just going outside of your thought bubble and what's it called? An echo chamber. And, yeah, encountering new ideas. There's this Neil degrasse Tyson. Is that his name? I kind of don't like him, but Neil deGrasse Tyson clip that Lex Friedman featured on his channel was like a minute long, because Jorgen was talking about Lex Friedman, and Neil deGrasse Tyson didn't respond at all to what Jorgean was saying because he was encapsulated in this quote. And it was kind of rude, honestly, because Joe Rogan was like, you'd really like Lex FriEdMan, and Neil degrasse TySOn was.
Mm hmm. Just totally not listening or receiving AnYthing joe Rogan's saying. And I thought that was really rude. I really don't like neil DegRaSsE TySON. I was in the engineering zeiss and physics thought Zeiss, geist, what's the word? Just the thought BubBle of being an engineer and being a physicist. And I knew a lot of physicists, or, like, future physicists. It kind of feels gross talking about it now, because I really didn't like who I was at the time. And I feel like the people that I was hanging around when I was very into physics were very arrogant and not almost definitely narcissistic, and so was I. I'm not denying my own narcissism, but the people that I hung around were very narcissistic, and they really, really liked Neil degrasse Tyson. And I think he has a lot of narcissism in him as well. And I just feel like a lot of physicists have a lot of narcissism. And I have a real problem with scientists being held up to a great standard just because it's just one form of thinking, which is mathematics and all that. And I love math a lot, I love science a lot. I love proving the world with experiments and all of ThAt shit. It's really nice, but the people in it are really kind of gRoss. And I was one of those GRosS PeoPLE, and I'm trying to develop mySelf. My problem with scientists and physicists and just people in that Zeiss is that they're mostly focusing on the mathematic portion on life, at least what I was looking at in my immediate friend group with these physicists. And not every single.
I don't want to call them physicists. They were just high school students and also a teacher. Not all of them were acting in this manner, but definitely some of them. And it's just this arrogance of like, oh, I know how to do this equation, so I'm better than you. And I didn't like it at all. And 100% that's things that I had in my thought bubble at all as well. And I'm really not denying my own narcissism, but what I'm doing now is I'm trying to go against that, and I don't want to think in that matter anymore. And the problem with scientists and people that only focus on their career or the thing they're studying is they're not looking at themselves and seeing how fucking not well developed they are in terms of having a human character and human emotion and empathy and all of that. They haven't worked on their own childish behavior at all. And you could see that with Graham Hancock and the historians that went against them. They only focused on history and didn't focus on being a good person. And they shut down Graham Hancock's ideas because they were differing from their own. And they lived their whole professional life thinking of these ideas. But Graham Hankuck has immense evidence that history goes far more back than what we say it is. And historians were just shutting them down. And I think that's just a lack of character and a lack of the ability to take in a new idea in the most extreme sense, which leads back to Kanye west. And he's saying inflammatory shit right now because he sees how closed minded the world is becoming and how most people in the world, you can't really say a new idea to them, or you can. You're just going to get a lot of pushback. No matter what, you're going to get a lot of pushback. And that's very frustrating to experience that. Hey, guys, how are you doing? My chickens are back.
You guys are so cute. I know. You want food for me? I know. Just do your thing. Just do your thing. I'll give you food later. Bertha, I promise I'll give you food later. Oh, they're really hungry.
But, yeah, there's a lot of things that I have to talk about this, but basically, Kanye west is a lateral thinker or a creative thinker. And I think creativity is the only way that this kind of prophetic way of thinking is accepted nowadays.
Um, so he, like, in terms of. Because my family is very creative, but they also, like, get into, like, this psychotic state of mind sometimes because there's no outlet for it. And the reason there's no outlet is because God is dead and we killed them. We killed him.
There's no room for religion anymore in our day and age, and there's no room for hope and faith and channeling the divine. So keeping that inside of you because there's no outlet, and because the reason there's no outlet is because we refuse to accept it, and it's just shutting down. I feel like it's more badass to say nowadays that people are christian. When people say they're a Christian, you're like, what? And I'm barely religious, and I'm getting into the spirituality sense of life and all of that. And I kind of just accept all religions and they all seem to be connected in many, many different ways and talking about the same thing.
So I understand religion in that way. But what I'm talking about is that there's no religion here. So the only outlet that these spiritual people have to channel the divine is through creativity and story. And that's sometimes not enough. Sometimes you blatantly need to say that there are these things, and this is going away from Kanye a little bit. I'm sorry, but I just think he doesn't really have an outlet to say anything, and that's why he's saying everything.
And I also think I'm totally not getting at the idea that I'm trying to explain. And that's just the problem with words and my inability to speak them. And I was also going to touch on that with Kanye. He's trying to learn how to talk. During the Lex Friedman podcast, he was writing stuff down. And if you ever watched my podcast, when I talk to people, I start by writing things down. And it's hard for me to get into a conversation. And I've been learning how to have a conversation for the past two or three years, especially when I met my boyfriend, because he was basically the only person I knew that had the ability to conduct open discourse, and not even just discourse, just an open conversation, and just throw ideas to each other back and forth. And it's really hard to do that with people. And it definitely is a skill to have a conversation and explore an idea together. And Kanye west wants that. He wants to explore his ideas. And the whole thing about exploring ideas is that you might not believe in the things you're saying as you explore the idea.
Like, you're trying to talk about this idea and conceptualize how you feel about the idea. And maybe by the end of the conversation you're like, oh, fuck, I don't really believe in that at all. And that's how a conversation goes. And I think maybe he shouldn't have a public conversation. Maybe he should.
I really don't like saying he shouldn't have a public conversation. Do whatever you want, Kanye west, or yay, whatever you're called. I don't really fucking give a shit, Kanye west. So just keep on exploring your ideas. And everyone doesn't really understand anything. And the thing about what he's saying, because I know he's saying inflammatory shit. Don't get me wrong. I know he's saying inflammatory shit, and I know what's wrong about the things he's saying.
But what am I saying?
Just let him say what he wants, what he's trying to conceptualize. Maybe he'll go back on his ideas.
Fuck, I had a thing, and this isn't what I was going to say. But the other thing about let people say what they want to say, because if they're wrong, we all get to see that he's wrong, and we all get to know that he's wrong. And we all get to witness someone like that saying a wrong idea. So if he is wrong, just let him be wrong and he's not inciting violence. Or maybe he is. I actually have no idea what he's saying. To be honest.
I've seen a few clips, and that's not really enough to describe people's ideas, which is also back to, like, short content is very inflammatory because you're not getting the whole conversation. Which is why I like watching podcasts more than I like watching short form content, because podcasts last for hours and short form content lasts for, like, 10 seconds, sometimes 15 seconds.
So I think he's exploring an idea and understand that this is where I was getting it. Understand that Kanye west is a human being. And most human beings are coming from, like, I don't know any human being that doesn't come from love and doesn't come from the want to have love and the need to have love and the need to be in love and the need to have people love them.
Every human being that I've met is coming from a place in love, either from the lack of love and the frustration from that lack of love or just love. Every human being that I've met wants love and understand that he is also a human being that wants love.
And again with the closed minded people, too. The reason that they're closed minded is because they live their whole life in pain and suffering. And a lot of that breeds resentment and the people that are around them that cause that pain and suffering. And the reason that they're closing their self off to those ideas is because that they have all that resentment that they need to let go of. Because they're not letting future people with maybe the same ideas, but a better way of conducting their speech to give them the life lesson they need.
I don't know if I could say anything else. Just like I saw Kanye west and Lex Friedman the first 30 minutes, that's basically as far as I got with knowing him. And I saw a lot of enjoyment in the conversation. Lex Friedman really loved talking to him and he was very trying to converse with Kanye west, and they were doing a really good job. I don't know where the conversation went. Maybe it went very far into a deeply wrong level and maybe I'll watch it. But I know there's love. I know there's love in everyone.
I know there's love in Kanye. Even if he's maybe saying hateful shit again, I have no idea what he's saying. But there's always love.
It's always love.
Goodbye.
So I was just watching a few nights ago or whatever, I was just watching. Some people that I watch sometimes talk about everything I was talking about in this video. Not everything, but just like Kanye west and commenting on him, it wasn't the focus of the video. It just happened to come up just because it's kind of in the zeitgeist of the mindscape nowadays. But they were basically saying, this thing, I'll put it on.
[00:29:49] Speaker B: I was just saying, you can't.
The love and light people. Thank you. Thank you. Elephant tusk. The love and light people from the new age crowd, they like to say a lot that you have to have love for everybody and everything in this world and all of that. I don't think that that's correct. I think that you can't show love to evil.
It's not going to make the evil go away. It's not going to make the evil disappear to show it love because it doesn't understand love.
The virus only understands takeover.
Invade, reproduce, takeover, invade, reproduce, take over and invade and reproduce. And that's its whole job, is just to reproduce. So when you put out that energy, you're putting out that energy not only in a way that's. That's not helping, it's also hurting you because you're. You're spending that. That positive energy on something that's inherently negative and inherently trying to hurt the very embodiment of humanity. It's trying to make people hate other people. And I don't agree with that.
[00:31:13] Speaker A: So I agree with Cherie a lot.
Especially when she says, you can't love evil. And the mind virus kind of is just trying to latch on and reproduce. And that's just how evil and destruction goes. It catches fire.
It just tries to spread. And you could notice that when you're angry. And you kind of just lash out at people and almost trying to incite them to be angry. And just like, embodying destruction, rather, it may be involuntarily, but you're still embodying it. And you're still, like, a danger to others when you are embodying hatred. And I've been talking to some friends this past week about kind of the nature of ghosting people because I have one friend that has a negative family member that they're trying to get rid of and cut out of their life. And I'm very familiar with that topic because I've done it multiple times with my mom because she's a drug addict. And I also talked to this friend last night about his girl issues and stuff.
I was also contemplating a friend that I had that has not ghosted me. But he's definitely not being my friend very much anymore. And just that nature of needing to separate yourself away from people in order to keep your energy and just not letting toxicity in your life. And I've dealt with that over and over again. Like I said, I've been cutting off my mom for years. The only reason she comes back into my life is because my family lets her back in her life. And I am still close to my family. So whenever she comes out of jail or out of rehab or just out of the streets, no, the sad thing is, whenever my mom's in jail, I'm the most at peace because she's in a box where she isn't able to destroy my family or incite hate. And I'm just so used to people that incite hate. But I feel like in this video, I've been a little.
I don't know. I totally forgot most of the things I said, but I was definitely trying to spread a lot of that love energy. And I think that's kind of narcissistic in a sense.
I recently found this one song with Taylor Swift. I wrote down one lyric, but another lyric came to mind when I.
When I just said what I said. But let me just say the line that's in my head in case. Just in case I forget it, because that's not written down. But she says this thing where it's, did you hear my covert narcissism? I disguise as altruism like some kind of congressman.
And I feel like this entire video is that I just found that video recently, so everything's synchronizing in a way that it's supposed to. And I don't know why I felt like I needed to talk about this at all. But like I said, in my political ideologies video, I don't like to feel like I can't talk about things. So I'm going to talk about something incorrectly and put it out there. And hopefully, this part of the video is me rebuting my earlier self and trying to form my ideas better. And the whole point of conversing my ideas is to hear them and hear how wrong they might be. And I think my idea was a bit not on the totally correct side, like getting back to ghosting people and my mom. Here's the other Taylor Swift lyric, by the way, that I wrote down.
When my depression works, the graveyard shift, all of the people I've ghosted stand there in the room.
And I'm feeling a lot of those feelings right now, mostly because I'm discussing with a few friends about what it's like to ghost people and how I've dealt with it. And the bottom line is that it doesn't really get easier. And you're always feeling guilty. And I wrote a song about how guilty I feel about ghosting my mom over and over again and not really taking her calls because I know she's destructive. And the problem with my mom specifically is that I know that inside of her is a good person, kind of.
I have a lot of repressed. Not repressed, but just a lot of resentment towards my mother in general. So I'm less likely to fall into that trap just because I know her very well and I know the cycle she goes in. So I'm kind of relating her to Kanye now because that's a good way to view it as destructive people where I'm getting at is I feel guilty when I don't accept her calls and continuing to ghost her throughout my entire life, ever since I was like eleven years old. And you need to stay away from that type of person and just stay out of it.
And that's been the best tactic that I've had against my mother, is just completely ignoring her. And that kind of leaves the least amount of destruction on my behalf. And it's just like when you let these evil people in your life, or when you let these people that are embodying evil or that are embodying destruction and hate, they really take up your good energy and your love energy. And I'm very well aware of that. And I realized I was doing that with this Kanye video. So I'm sorry. And it's back to that lyric, did you hear my covert narcissism? I disguise it as altruism, like some kind of congressman.
And the problem is, I really, really want to be a good person. But I'm obviously not only a good person, and I'm very aware that I'm completely an agitated person sometime. And I also embody evil sometimes when it gets the best of me. And I don't really have complete control over myself, and I'm trying to have more control over myself, but sometimes it just gets a little ticked. So what I'm saying right now is I'm not perfect, and I'm not trying to present myself as perfect. I'm just trying to sort through my ideas. And I don't know, I like these videos that I'm making where I completely shift my viewpoint. Because the point of discussing anything, and you could see this entire video is me discussing this topic with myself and trying to come to a conclusion. And sometimes you just need to go over ideas and figure out that, oh, that first idea you had at the start was wrong. And it's kind of how when you create a song or just anything, it's just any creation. You start off at one place and then it ends totally different. And that has happened with a lot of my songs where it starts off like sweet, and then usually it just goes into complete destruction mode and like, oh, my God, what the fuck did you take me through in the songs I make? And basically, I agree with Cherie, and I understand that you shouldn't treat everyone with utmost respect if they don't deserve it. And some people just embody destruction. And I still do believe that Kanye is a human being. That's never not been the case. But human beings embody destruction sometimes. And they embody, I don't know, the archetype of the devil.
I'm not saying I'm a perfect Christian, because I'm not at all.
I'm not even Christian, but I was born Christian or Catholic or whatever, but I'm more of a spiritual.
I respect a lot of religions, and I kind of think they're all the same. I think I said that early in this video, too. But my God, his life's so hard.
Oh my God.
But I hope you liked hearing me sort through thoughts about this, and I hope no one hates me after having these thoughts and whatever.
I have no idea what I'm doing with my life, but I hope people enjoy watching me figure out what I'm doing with my life.
Bye.
